我的一条腿截肢了，我哥哥来医院看望，打扮成了海盗的样子。
1.Had My Leg Amputated And My Brother Shows Up To The Hospital Dressed As A Pirate
“问题的关键不是问题本身， 而是你面对这个问题的态度。”——杰克船长
'The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem' - Captain Jack Sparrow
我哥哥的私人订制版圣诞礼物从未不让我失望——今年他为我自制了一本日历。
2.My Brother Never Fails To Disappoint With His Personalised Christmas Gifts - This Year He Made Me A Calendar
你哥哥真是个宝贝。真希望他是我的哥哥，因为我自己的弟弟妹妹们都很无聊，从不为我这个大姐姐做出什么很酷的事情。
Whoa your brother is a treasure. I'd like him to be mine since my own siblings are too boring to do cool stuff like this for their beloved Eldest.
我和我的小妹妹总是互赠恶搞的礼物。今年她的礼物堪称一绝：玩具礼盒里没有的电池。
3.We Always Get Each Other Ironic Gifts, My Little Sister Killed It This Year: Batteries Not Included
“呃，电池（如果不是废电池）很好用，装电池的袋子也很好用。非常感谢你让我给手机遥控器”
"Uh, both the batteries (if they have a charge) and the baggy can be useful. So thanks for allowing me to power my TV remote and store small, easily lost items."
我2岁半的侄女坚持要带着这个面具，才肯抱抱她刚出生的弟弟
4.This Is How My 2.5-Year-Old Niece Insists On Holding Her New Baby Brother
20年后：我的狼人恐惧症是怎么来的呢？
20 years later: where does my irrational fear of werewolves come from....
我的哥哥是内科急诊专家。今年他送给我一个医护手环，上面写着一行非常重要的话。（请删除我的浏览器记录）
5.My Emt Brother Got Me A Very Important Medical Bracelet This Year
没错，我也对我弟弟交代了几句话，告诉他如果我早早离世，他必须为我做的事：删除我的网页浏览记录，毁掉我的移动硬盘，而且一定、一定要查看一下五斗柜底下，无论找到什么，一律处理掉。
Yes, I already have given my brother a few instructions if i die before my time, delete browser history, smash my external hard drive and please, please, please check under the chest of drawers in the shed and dispose of whatever you find.
我在弟弟的毕业典礼上给他发了个短信，提醒他即将成为全职坐班狗。
6.I Texted My Younger Brother During Graduation To Remind Him That Full Time Employment Is Right Around The Corner
还有四十多年要奋斗呢。
Forty plus years to go.
我女朋友的弟弟今天非常诚实。
7.Girlfriend's Brother Was Very Honest Today
姐弟间的感情呀
Ah, the love between siblings...
我姐姐和她的男朋友明天晚上要到我家的小木屋过夜，我给他们准备了一个礼物，当他们打开灯的时候……
8.My Sister And Her Boyfriend Are Heading Up To Our Cabin Tomorrow Night, So I Left Them A Present For When They Turn On The Lights
我还以为我可以一边呷着冰镇啤酒，一边在你的房子里实施盗窃。
Just thought I would enjoy an ice cold beer while robbing your house.
在我哥哥的婚礼上，我作为伴郎演讲的时候，爹妈的表情：堪称无价之宝的表情。
9.Parents' Reaction To My Best Man Speech At My Brother's Wedding: Priceless
他不是亲生的。他是我们在路边捡到的小婴儿。
He's not ours. We found him at the side of the road as a baby.
你的哥哥姐姐有没有告诉过你，你是被领养的？他们会伪造领养证明和邮件吗？我的哥哥姐姐就这样做了。
10.Did Your Siblings Ever Tell You Were Adopted? Did They Ever Make Fake Adoption Papers And Emails? Well Mine Did
我十分确信，现在的你就和被领养时一样可爱。
I'm 100% sure youre still as cute as when they found you.
我因阑尾破裂住院，而我的哥哥弟弟们是一群傻叉。
11.My Appendix Burst And My Brothers Are Wankers
哈哈哈，我喜欢这几个小伙子，哈哈哈！
HAHAHA, I love these guys! Hahaha.
我帮妹妹修好电脑后，是这样还给她的
13.How I Returned My Sister's Computer After Fixing It
你有没有设置成，桌面无法修改？
Did you fix it where she can't delete that wallpaper?
五年前，我弟弟还是个小婴儿的时候，我在他的照片上放了玩具金鱼眼。直到如今这两只玩具金鱼眼还在那里。
14.About 5 Years Ago, I Put Googly Eyes On A Picture Of My Brother As A Baby. They're Still There To This Day
想想看，他把金鱼眼贴在自己的眼睛上四处走动，也是极搞笑的。
Would be funny if he was literally still wearing the googly eyes everywhere he went.
我父母洗胶卷的时候发现了这张照片，我百口莫辩。为了洗白，我只能说，他自找的。
15.I Had A Lot Of Explaining To Do When My Parents Found This On Their Camera Roll... In My Defense He Deserved It...
我相信你。希望你这样做是值得的。
I believe you. Hope it was worth it.
我姐姐告诉我，“使用高压清洗机没什么用。”我用自己唯一擅长的办法对她进行了报复。
16.My Sister Said "Powerwashing Does Nothing". I Retaliated In The Only Way I Know How
她用高压清洗机写字，字还能这么好看，我永远都比不上，真让人嫉妒。
I envy that her penmanship with a powerwasher is better than mine ever will be.
小时候我经常虐待妹妹的芭比娃娃，把她们的脑袋拔下来，在脖子上凸起的地方画上脸。
17.When I Was Younger I Used To Like Pulling The Heads Off Of My Sister's Barbie Dolls And Drawing A Face On The Stump Underneath
谢谢你让我预览了一下今晚我会做的噩梦。
Thanks for giving me a preview of my next nightmare!
我哥哥和他的未婚妻允许我周末借住在他们的房子里。
18.My Brother And His Fiancé Left Me Their House For The Weekend.
没毛病。
Nothing wrong with that.
我刚满了三十岁，心情比较复杂。我弟弟给我送了这个爱心包裹。
19.I Just Turned Thirty Years Old And Have Mixed Feelings About It. My Younger Brother Sent Me This Care Package
多棒的爱心包裹！你弟弟真会挑礼物！
That's a great care package! Great choices by your bro.
我三岁的妹妹和她的小弟弟一起玩游戏盒，她赢了，弟弟很不开心。
20.My 3-Year-Old Finally Beat Her Brother At Candy Land. He Was Not Okay
我发誓，光是看着这张照片，我就能听到她在狂笑。
I swear I can hear her maniacal laugh of achievement from looking at the picture.
姐姐是这样对刚回家的新生儿弟弟表示欢迎的
21.Sister Welcomes Newborn Sibling To The Family
谁能责怪她呢。
Who can blame her... .